The W Curve

Before moving overseas I talked with a buddy of mine, Mary Heng, who had lived overseas before (in Spain) and she was truly one of the most helpful people to talk to. Since we worked together we were able to talk about what I needed to do to prepare and she mentioned something called the W curve.
The W curve is taught to students who are going overseas but I think this is skipped over when people want to work overseas. The idea of the curve is that you will be able to understand the peaks and valleys that you feel when living in a foreign country and know that what you are feeling is normal.

To start when you are headed overseas you first feel a sense of euphoria, the top of the W. You are going to do something big and scary because you want to! You are the master commander! When you first arrive in the country there is a ton to experience from the views, food, and people. You feel like you finally made it after all the dumb paperwork and training and can enjoy being in the country.

That is when you hit a valley. You realize you can not speak the language in some cases (like me). Ordering food, asking for directions, and just trying to live your life is hard when you can't speak the language. You are also totally isolated. Your family isn't just an hour away drive and your friends are in a different time zone so you are unable to Skype them. The finishing touch is that you miss your own culture and food.
People joke that America has no culture but that is honestly so dumb, we very much have a culture and do I miss it at times.
*Seperate note-the lack of cheese in China is astonishing. I had no idea that I had such access to cheese in the states.

The second uphill is finding coping mechanisms for the isolation, knowing how to get around, and understanding the customs and culture more. You get better at the language and soon enough you start to feel like a local. This stage lasts the longest and will be most of your time overseas.
You stay uphill when you get to come back to your home country. You get to see family and friends again! You can see your country's views and eat that thing you missed a lot while overseas.

The final drop comes after you arrive back in your home country. There are things that you notice about yourself that is different. No one can relate to you and you speak a language that maybe many others don't. The food you used to eat in your work country is not available anymore and you miss it. The friends you made overseas are now hard to contact. There are things you notice too about your home country that you do not like. You wonder, "Where do I really belong?"

The last uphill is when you find your place. There is an understanding of what you need and how to get there.

We Are Going to the Parents' House and We Are Going to Get Married

During the Mid-Autumn Festival break I attended two Chinese weddings. Weddings are not a big deal for me. My dad has nine brothers and sisters, therefore I have many cousins. It didn't even strike me as odd that I have been to over 10 weddings and baby showers until I compared with my friends. However, they were all "western" weddings. Let me tell you how Chinese weddings work.
I would like to thank my IT guy and the HR person who invited me to their weddings. It was super kind of them and even a bit last minute for them. Thank you!

IT Guy's wedding was on Monday of the break. I came with five other co-workers to a hotel/conference building. Right away there are cardboard cut-outs of the couple and a billboard sized photo of them together in the lobby. Tons of pink balloons and roses that are have gold leaf on them. Holy cow.
Then we walk inside the venue and...we are early? People are setting up the tables, ten people are chilling in their seats, and there are others cutting up fruit at another table. All of them are wearing t-shirts and jeans. My co-workers and myself are wearing nice clothes. In the middle of the room is a catwalk runway and stage with a light-up board that has a slideshow-video of the couple on repeat. We wait an hour when the room gets full of t-shirt wearing people who are smoking like chimneys. It gets bad enough that a few of us wear our breathing face masks. The tables all have a lazy susan on them with four packs of cigarrettes, one bottle of wine, one bottle of bear, one bottle of rice wine, and bottles of orange juice, coconut water, and mango juice. Slowly the food comes out.
The first is a bowl of peanuts, then we get a plate of sliced beef, and a few meatballs. The real food comes out and it is plates and plates of meat, 30 to be exact. There are so many plates that we literally stacked one on top of the other like food jenga. The meat includes fish, crab, abalone, a pork thigh, a whole duck, brisket, lobster, and shrimp. Other dishes include a pumpkin with purple rice inside (wedding dessert), a dense cake (it was like carrot cake but not made of carrots), asparagus, broccoli, and a mixture of green beans with shrimp. Every guest also gets a goodie bag or should I say box. It is a literal box of candy, cookies, and fruit to take home.
We hear fireworks go off and see smoke outside the windows. I read that it was custom to light a load of fireworks for the couple to scare off bad luck. They keep this tradition to this day.
While we ate the couple finally walks in on stage the parents join them. While they walk up to the stage, the waiters and waitresses literally cut them off to serve food and many people walk over the cat walk. It surprised me and my co-workers. They give maybe 30 second speeches each when the parents come off stage. Keep in mind we are all eating, when we look up the couple is exchanging rings! There was no pause, no ask for silence, eveyone just kept eating and chatting it up barely noticing the couple. The DJ asks them to kiss and then we give a toast. That is it! They are married. The couple sits down with the wedding parties and eat then they go to each table and the guests toast them. We go home after that.

Questions I had that you probably do to. 

1. Is there gifts you give or money?
Yes, families give gifts but everyone else gives a red packet of money usually 100 RMB or more. DO NOT GIVE 400 as 4 sounds like the word death in Chinese. Anything in pairs is fine (200, 600). 8 is a lucky number, 9 is not. Also you usually give the red packet money to the couple before the wedding. While we were at the wedding we were searching for a gift table or card basket and it was not there. We gave it to the couple as they toasted us.
2. Uh, what up with people being so casual?? Rural weddings in China will have people come in just regular clothes but urban weddings everyone dresses up. The part we attended wasn't even the actual wedding but the reception, even though they exchanged rings. Many Chinese people do not wear wedding rings and the ring ceremony has only just been recently included. That explains why the staff and guests didn't act like anything was a big deal when the couple did arrive and why no one was quiet during the ring ceremony.
3. What up with the extravagence of the posters and cut-outs and food? Chinese weddings were once all about showing off the families' wealth to their neighbors to climb in social status. While people no longer compete the idea of going big for the wedding to show fortune is still there. One person at the wedding told me it can be seen as a way to invite fortune into the couple's life as well.

HR lady's wedding was on Thursday of that week and were invited to the entire event which takes ALL DAY. We woke up at 7:00 am and did not go home until 9:00 pm. First we go to the bride's parents' house where she is getting ready. Her family is very excited I am there and that the bride knows a white person (maybe why I got invited for the entire day? Not sure.)  The groom then comes to the house to fetch his bride but not before meeting with a few tricks. In order to get the bride he has to pay off people in the house (the red packet money mentioned before is what he uses) to get in. Then the bridesmaids give him tasks to do in order to see his bride. There are no set tasks, it is up for the bridesmaids or family to decide. For this groom it included eating wasabi oreos, drinking vinegar, paying the bridesmaids twice as much, and finally reading and signing a contract about how he will do the dishes, never complain about housework, and serve his wife hand and foot. (I need a copy of that contract TBH.)
Next stop we drive an hour to the groom's house (Jiaxing is 4 million people) but before we get in the car and leave, the mother of the bride gives her a pair of red shoes (red is lucky). At the groom's parents' house we are greeted with fireworks and roses on a red carpet leading to his house. In the doorway of the house the couple stand in front of the groom's parents. A man says a few lines, the couple bow three times to the groom's parents, bow to each other and boom! They are married.
The bride changes from a white dress to a red dress and we eat lunch. The meal is just like the other wedding with tons of food and drinks and cigarrettes. The couple toast each table then we are off.
We head to the couple's new apartment for tea and snacks but this is only for the wedding party and a few others. I was one of the few others. This is new custom as usually the married couple will buy a house and have their parents live with them, or they live at one of their parents' houses. A typical family in China lives with grandparents, parents, and kids in one house but some have moved on to where everyone lives in their own home. The bride changes into a different red dress with a phoenix on it. At weddings you could find dragons or phoenixes littered in the decor or outfits.
Last stop is back at the bride's parents' house where they have made supper. Just like the lunch there are tons of meat dishes, we each get a goodie box, and the couple toasts us.

Questions I had that maybe you do too.

1. What up with the meat? Typically only wealthy families could afford meat so everyone serves the meat first and a ton of it to show their wealth. Veggies are served last and there are few of them as those are "poor foods."
2. No cake. That is a western thing.
3. Is the wedding ceremony that short? The wedding ceremony we saw was only just a slice of it. People will go to a government office, fill out the forms, and will be married there. Everything that we saw at the homes and venue could technically all be called reception and just for show.  Your wedding day and anniversary can be totally different here. People will be married a month before the reception, but most people will celebrate their wedding anniversary on the day of the reception. In America you get the forms but then the person performing the marriage right (usually a religious person) and the maid of honor and best man will sign the form as witnesses the same day as the reception and the entire group of people you invited can be at the marriage ceremony.
4. What up with the sybolism? Most of the items I saw were rooted in these old ideas of luck. Avoid the number 4, everything must be in even numbers, red and gold included, dragons and phoenixes be included, fireworks to scare off bad luck, and markers on the door to invite good luck. I know that western traditions are based in these ideas too but I think many of us do not remember their meanings or why we do it. For instance, bridesmaids, which are a western ideal, started off as a way to confuse evil spirits who may try to attack the bride. Best man was a person that was supposed to be skilled at sword fighting to protect the couple from jealous suitors. Some we have that I do not know why we do it include: the groom can't look at the bride until the wedding ceremony as it is bad luck, rain on your wedding day means good luck, and throw a bouqet of flowers and the person who catches it will be married next. Chinese know why they have their traditions, but I do not think Westerners know why we do our traditions.

To summarize I would say that Chinese weddings are about fortune, meat, and serving the guests first. I think for my own wedding I may include some of these ideas...especially the husband contract. ;p

What Exactly Did I Eat?

Before coming to China I watched a few documentaries and they covered foods in the country. My area is famous for zongzhi which is a rice ball with meat,veggies, or dates in the center. That is pretty tame to what other things I have eaten here. Some by accident. Here are my top odd foods thus far.

5. Fish with the heads and tails still on. Every fish here is served with everything but they are all buttery and delicious. We are close to the ocean which is probably why they are tasty. Look intimidating but good meat.

4. Chicken feet. My school serves these and my initial reaction was HECK NO. They look gross and scary. There are no claws on them but still...feet. After walking by a restaurant we smelled something heavenly and walked in and ordered whatever the smell was. IT. WAS. CHICKEN. FEET. They are delicious. That restaurant cooks them in a broth for hours until they get tender. They still look horrible but they are good.

3. Pork tongue. I had this when I was in high school and it was horrible. It was slimy, cold, and hairy. When I was at my Chinese school I was eating what I thought was ham and gosh it was good! It was more flavorful than normal pork and served with cabbage, warm. My Chinese co-workers stared at me and when I asked why they told me they had never seen a foreigner eat pork tongue without freaking out. I didn't freak out when I learned and played it cool because it was the best pork I had in a while.

2. Jellyfish. One of my principals invited me and a few other co-workers to her house for a meal. We made noodles and dumplings and then ate a buffet style meal with various meats and veggies and nuts. I scooped up these short hard white translucent noodles and thought nothing of it. When I was describing the noodles to my friend she was confused as she never heard of a noodles like that before. Fast forward to a week later at a wedding and I say, "These are the noodles I had at the principal's house!" My friend looked at the bowl, then me, then the bowl. "Those are shredded and dried jellyfish." These are okay to eat but they are very hard and chewy (not like what I imagine jellyfish to be).

1. Duck tongue. My school had a fancy dinner the first week I was in China to celebrate all the teachers finally arriving to Jiaxing. We get our typical buffet style meal on our rotating table and the Chinese teachers think it is hilarious to hold up a food and ask me what I think they are. (I got every one of them wrong.) They hold up a red twirly thin meat, "What is this?" "Uh, octopus tentancle?" "No duck tongue!" My eyes almost popped out of my head. I pick one up and bite into it and guess what...bone or something like it. The duck tongue is attached to the tendon that goes down the animals throat and it is hard as a rock when cooked. There is not a lot of meat on them but they are succulent. I had five.
Also yes, I did giggle when I ate them because it was like "french kissing a duck." Except you know...the duck was dead.

BONUS! I did not eat any of these but they do sell bugs to eat here. What I saw were fried trantulas, scorpions, and cockroaches. I freaked out and ran far away from those. They maybe just for tourists but I do not plan on eating those in my life.

Three Favorites and Three Dislikes

While I was in Hangzhou my co-worker asked me three things I liked best and three things I did not like about China thus far. So I will be sharing her list and mine.

My favorites
1. Inexpensive. Everything in China is cheap! It is about 7 USD to 1 RMB. A meal costs between 20-40 RMB which is about 2 to 5 US dollars! Amazing! I just got a haircut for 98 RMB which included a scalp massage, it is 15 USD. *cue tears of gratitude*

2. Architecture. I love architecture and I can not get over the buildings that look "Chinese" with the slanted roofs and red doors with big Chinese characters written on them. They are beautiful. Plus many places try to practice feng shui which is a decorating style the Chinese invented. It states you need earth, water, and four directions in a house or living area to create a peaceful environment (there is a lot more to it but that is the most dumbed down version I can think of). My courtyard has a pond, trees, and four exits which is convenient for pick up for work and gives me a nice place to relax.

3. My co-workers. The people I work with are kind and understanding and have helped me, a first year teacher, a lot. They provide feedback everyday and let me know what went well and what needs improvement and their ideas on that. They compliment me a lot too. :)

Dislikes
1. BONES. I hate eating meat with bones in them. This was mentiond in a previous post but it truly irks me to no end when I bite into a meal and have to chew carefully in case I choke on feather thin bones.

2. Hygine. This is a western idea for sure and I am trying to accept it more but it is really hard wired into me. People spit on everything here from the phlegm in their throats. It is yucky. When we were in Leifeng Pagoda a guy straight up spat a booger onto the marble floor and no one batted an eye. I have been told that younger people don't do this as often and the culture is changing but for now it is gross.
Part two to this is that hand soap is not in every bathroom. I knew this before and packed hand sanitizer for this reason. It is used often. When I go eat street food I make sure they use tools; not sure when they may have washed their hands with actual soap and water.

3. Not being able to read. There is no alphabet in many Eastern languages so when I order food or see a sign I take a picture, translate it, write my translation, and give it to my waiter/waitress. I have been taking pictures of food that I like so I can show it to restuarants so they can make it.

Co-workers Favorites.
1. Co -workers. (You da best!)

2. Cheap.

3. Food. My co-worker loves the food here and enjoys the spice and noodles. There is even a "spice capitol" in China which I do not plan on seeing. I have a very low spice tolerance. My co-worker loves it.

Co-workers Dislikes
1. Internet. If you do not know, there is something called The Great Fire Wall of China. No western websites are allowed which inclue Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and Blogger. How do I get access to Blogger you ask? VPN. A VPN is a way to get around the firewall and get access to these websites. The government has a fire wall so citizens will use Chinese sites and help their economy. This Februrary any Chinese based VPNs will no longer exist, but foreign ones are okay. The US government website states that the Chinese understand that foreigners want to keep using their websites and are fine with us using  it. Even then, sometimes my internet will mysteriously stop working when using VPN. Hence my spotty coverage.

2. Pollution. Right now we are in a yellow zone for pollution which means you may or may not need a mask, depending on your preference. There are four levels-green (good), yellow (okay), orange (bad), red (super bad), and purple (TOXIC). Everyone wears breathing masks here. I have noticed that I get sinus problems at least once a week. I brought my neti pot (something to clean out sinuses) with me from the USA and man, I am glad I did. Right now it is fall and mostly been in the yellow zone. Winter it gets to be red zone more often.
Also the water is not safe to drink unless filtered or boiled. (Stop arguing about saving the planet, I can see what happens when you don't care about the environment first hand!)

3. Cars. This was mentioned a while back but driving here is scary. It is a bit odd as the driving test is quite hard here but as soon as you pass you can break all the rules you want it seems. People go down the wrong way on one way roads, people park on the sidewalk, today a car almost ran me over for running a red light. I have grown more accustomed to this but my co-worker really hates it.

I hope you like this post, I may do more like this in the future!

Hangzhou Crowds

During Mid-Autumn Festival in China you get a week off from work. Teachers, business professionals, whoever all get October 1st-8th off. Many Chinese families work in one city and send money to their children or parents who live in a different city and this is the one time in the year they can all reunite. During this time off many Chinese citizens choose to go to relaxing cities instead of bustling ones.
My co-worker and I decide to vacation but since we are last minute most tickets and hotels are sold out and we want to go somewhere close to us.
Both me, my co-worker, and half of China decide to go to visit Hangzhou. Hangzhou is famous for its West Lake which has shops, night markets, fountain shows, boat rides, and food places. It is really nice.

We stayed in an AirBNB and got around mostly by taxi. There is a metro in Hangzhou apparently but I hardly saw any stops and we were discouraged from traveling on it since there were so many people in the city. We did use it but sparingly. Even biking in some parts of the city was barely possible. Mostly we walked. At one point we walked from the bottom of the lake to the right side and it took us 40 minutes. On WeChat there is a function to count your steps and we averaged 30,000 a day there.

The first thing we did was go to Linying Temple. It is full of street food and little shops. The temple cost 40 yuan per person. The temple area is mostly walking trails and Buddha statues carved in the stone which is pretty! At one point we walked up this mountain and noticed we were finally alone. We got to the top and discovered...nothing. It was just a cliff to climb and look at trees, which would be cool except it was foggy that day. We almost went on another trail but a man told us that the only thing up that mountain was a rock that said, "You did it!" Hard pass.
The temple had a few worship centers and a place to drink tea (it was closed). I noticed there were hardly any monks. When we tried to leave we saw a huge building which was the actual Linying Temple which cost another 40 yuan to get in. Looking in there were hundreds of monks in yellow outfits walking around. Part of me wishes we gone in but the other part was tired of being there for hours, hiking up mountains, and desperately wanted lunch.

The next stop was a night market. They weren't booths but actual shops and they sold souveniors, papercut art, cairicatures, and tons of food. The food included fish, crabs, beef skewers, noodles, and bugs. One store sold fried animals like scorpions, trantulas, and seahorses. It was a bit tramatizing. The area is famous for crabs which is a bit obvious because they sold crabs on sticks EVERYWHERE. They also sold huckleberry covered in sugar on sticks too. I recommend strawberries over huckleberries as huckleberries have four pretty good sized seeds inside.

Second stop was going to the lake. We boated to an area called Three Moon Reflection Island. It is called that because the island has three lakes side by side and the moon fits into each perfectly during the Mid Autumn Festival. It. was. packed. We saw these little pagodas that had facts inside them, restaurants, or little temples which are on each side of the island. There were tons of souvenir booths along the roads too. I would love to go at night to see how the moon reflects on the water but we couldn't find tickets that sold for that time. Maybe next time.

The other popular attraction on the island is the Lei Feng Pagoda. At night it is lit up and really beautiful. We went inside the courtyard for Lei Feng Pagoda and outside, leading up to the building, is an escalator. Bless. It was a lot of stairs. We went up the escalator and visited the museum inside. The temple dates back many years but was recently rebuilt, however the rubble is preserved in a giant glass room. We climbed up four flights of stairs and met with, you guessed it, a bunch of people. I have a fear of falling so once we reached the top it was breath taking and terrifying. I got a few pictures but the entire time I was worried about dropping something over the edge, myself included.

In the evening we went to a mall area and shopped. Big cities have tons of foreign brands the most popular are Japanese, British, and American. Be warned that British and American brands are super pricey as you are buying a "foreign experience." Even french fries in the food market were more expensive just because they were Western. That night we watched the fountain music and light show but was barely visible where we were due to the crowds. It was still very fun seeing sprays of water shoot up to Celion Dion.

We visited museums on the last day. One was for a general named Yue Fei. He conquered and united most parts of China until 1141 when minister Qin Hui said that the war should end and peace talks should take place. Yue Fei tried to continue taking back Chinese provinces but was seen as a traitor for not following orders. Yue Fei was beheaded in 1142 alongside his son and many of his soldiers. Today he is seen as a national hero for trying to resist foreign powers and uphold Chinese values. The other museums included a calligraphy museum and a lacquer museum. 

The Zhejiang Science and Technology Museum was the very last place we went before we headed to the train station. It was all free thanks to a business man from America. The museum was cut into several parts, dinosaurs, animals, and science-technology. There was an IMAX theatre too. The science-technology part had a section dedicated to not doing drugs which was a stretch as it was directly next to a model of a nuclear reactor. Overall, the animals were super funny to look at as the taxidermy made them look a bit derpy but it was informational even for me as all the museum was written in English and Chinese.

The moral of the story is that even if you are last minute you can find things to do and places to stay. Asking locals is a great idea. There were many times when our map app led us the wrong way but a stranger did not. They also let us know what we could do in the city during that time. Very nice people.